7. How to get unstuck

Alexis Booth
Jul 9
6 min read

Updated: Jul 11

In the latest episode of the Breakout Booth, Blessing Nnachi, author of By Design: How to Create a Career you Love, joins me to explore the question of how to get unstuck. In our discussion, we explore practical and proactive ways to navigate those moments when you feel lost, overwhelmed, or otherwise “stuck” in life or your career.

In this post, I highlight 3 topics from our discussion - but there’s plenty more to hear in the episode. I hope you’ll check it out. Spotify | Apple Podcasts | Inline Player Below ⬇️

👉 Recognizing the signs that you are “stuck”

Perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of getting unstuck is realizing you ARE "stuck" in the first place.

Text definition of "stuck" on a white background, with teal text and examples. Blue border, with the handle @BREAKOUTBOOTH in green.

The definition in the image above speaks to many different ways and flavors of stuck-ness:

Stuck [adjective] - unable to move, or in a situation where one is unable to progress or escape

Of course, when I’m feeling stuck, I often describe it in terms of what I’m missing - I don’t feel like I have a choice or agency about what I’m doing (usually because I’m burdened by obligations, or feel somehow blocked from doing the things I most want to pursue), or I have no control about my situation (I feel like I’m trapped with no alternative options).

In my experience, the thought that “I am feeling stuck” is usually not a first-order realization. There are several other actions and “stuck” behaviors that usually act as clearer signals that something is awry - and help me catch myself before I truly become a stick in the mud. There are 4 main signals and "stuck" behaviors I now think about, both for myself and when I help others uncover what's bothering them most, so we can create a path forward.

If you are...	You might be showing signs of a "stuck" behavior...
Avoiding doing things that are expected of you	Feeling restless. Whether it’s overthinking, overworking, or fantasizing about things outside your reality, these are all tactics to avoid whatever you're “stuck” in or about.
Dodging hard conversations to “be nice” or keep the peace	Holding resentment. When you feel “stuck” about a person’s behavior or a situation, what starts out as an irritation or annoyance can eventually grow and fester into a full-fledged sense of resentment.
Recoiling at someone or about a situation after something unseemly happened	Getting "the ick." This happens when you’re “stuck” with a person or in a situation that evokes feelings of repulsion or disgust. It can feel visceral, like you want to climb out of your own skin.
Feeling misunderstood, misaligned or miserable - at work or at home	Dissatisfaction or depletion. Having low spirits or low energy are often signals that you're “stuck” in a place where you are feeling underutilized, stifled or alternatively - overworked.

These feelings and behaviors tend to start with an uncomfortable or unwanted situation that you don’t take action to resolve or change. Over time, through continued inaction and avoidance, your discomfort grows and festers, which makes it harder and harder to do anything about it - eventually leading to an overwhelming sense that you can’t do anything to change the situation.

That's how you get stuck. What keeps you stuck is staying where you are, and not doing enough to change the situation.

The good news? By summoning your courage and taking action about whatever is holding you back, you can make moves toward getting unstuck.

👉 The Good Life Triangle: A framework for living with intention

Blessing introduces a beautiful framework in her book called The Good Life Triangle, shared courtesy of Andrew Wood, that we discuss at length in the episode. It’s a positive, value-driven way to identify what is most important to you, and consider how to prioritize your actions accordingly.

Header reads "The Good Life Triangle." Below it is a teal triangle on a white background with labels at each of the three points: "Meaning," "Freedom," "Community."
Credit to Andrew Wood and Blessing Nnachi.

In the first chapter of her book, Blessing explores these three values in detail, outlining them as the most basic elements that make a good life - and the inherent tension between them.

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Freedom

Having freedom is being able to do anything, whenever, however, with whomever. At its extreme, freedom is a life free of constraints. The inverse of freedom is expectations - and we discuss in the episode how this includes both external demands and self-imposed responsibilities.

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Community

Community focuses on belonging and being a part of something bigger than yourself. Blessing describes how community is an investment to be part of a group, and that, in effect, the price of community is freedom. You have to give up some of one to have the other.

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Meaning

Meaning speaks to your broader purpose and goals. Blessing describes that living a life with meaning involves making decisions wholeheartedly and unapologetically, based on what is most important to you - knowing that this may lead to disappointing others.

While the values themselves are fairly straightforward, I found the idea of placing them in the triangle to be incredibly profound. Blessing describes how the concept is similar to the “triple constraint” in project management, where you strive to balance cost, budget and scope. In case you’re not a project manager who is in on the joke - you can only pick two! You can’t have all three at once.

Drawing on that analogy, the Good Life Triangle ultimately speaks to the fact that life is full of tradeoffs. The key is being intentional about what you want in a particular moment, or in a season of your life, and accepting you can't "have it all" at any one time.

If you are noticing some stuck-ness in your life, think about whether your actions are in alignment with your values. Blessing offers a number of exercises in her book that can help you get deeper clarity around this.

👉 What to do next if you’re feeling “stuck”

So, if you ARE feeling stuck - what exactly should you do next?

A grumpy cat is stuck in a small jar. Text reads "What to do when you're feeling stuck." Handle is @BREAKOUTBOOTH.

First of all, I’d encourage you to take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate yourself for coming to the very realization that you are feeling stuck. Yes, really. Recognizing you are in a moment or at a place where you are feeling unhappy or unsettled is hard work. Give yourself some space for self compassion and maybe even take a moment to do something that feels soothing for you.

As for what to do next, I wish there was a pill I could prescribe, or a single piece of advice to follow that will unstick your stuck-ness. Unfortunately, the rude truth is you’ve got to do some work. And… it’s likely some of it is going to be hard. But I assure you, it’s worth it.

Blessing and I describe two different approaches to getting unstuck in the episode - one is more tactical and focuses on small shifts (that’s mine!); the other is more strategic and takes a value-driven approach (thanks. Blessing!). See which one clicks with you in your current situation.

🤏 Start with small shifts

This idea focuses on small wins and growing your confidence that you can change, before tackling big or strategic questions. This simple approach has 2 steps:

✅ Notice what energizes you... and do more of it.

❌ Notice what drains you... and do less of it. Maybe stop some things altogether.

A key callout on this approach: it's intended to be low-stakes, experimental, and playful rather than deep or engrossing. It's geared toward trial and error, and I'd encourage you to claim wins for trying new things - even if they aren't a "home run." Some trials in every experiment will fail - it's part of the process!

Hopefully you'll uncover newfound energy while finding unexpected places - and maybe even people - that are draining your energy.

🤔 A goal-driven approach

This approach starts with the end in mind, helping you to align your actions with your goals. It has 3 steps you will likely iterate on over time:

🎯 Clarify your goals. What does "happiness" or "success" look like for you? How can you measure it? Do you have any built-in assumptions you can unwind?

❓ Evaluate your situation. Where and how do you feel "stuck?" Are you not being challenged enough, are you lacking recognition, or are you misaligned in some way with your work, your environment, or the people you spend time with?

🔎 Keep exploring. Take time to journal and talk to people you trust about what you want, and where you feel stuck. This type of self discovery often happens gradually, and like "peeling an onion" you may uncover deeper meaning and complexity with every step.

👉 Some Final Thoughts

No one wants to be a stick in the mud. Really. But sometimes it can feel too hard not to be one.

If you’re feeling stuck, or you start noticing yourself doing some of the avoidant behaviors I described in this newsletter, I can assure you, you are not alone in what you are feeling or doing. But the only way out - the only way to unstick your stuck-ness - is to work through whatever is holding you back, and do the hard work to change the situation. And even if it is hard, think about this: it's often harder to stay stuck than it would be to do the work and get unstuck.