How to get unstuck
- Alexis Booth
- Jul 8, 2025
- 7 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
You are not stuck. You're just committed to a certain pattern of behavior because it helped you in the past. Now it's time to upgrade. - Emily Maroutian
Today’s newsletter serves up some highlights and personal reflections from Episode 7, in which Blessing Nnachi, joins me to explore the question of how to get unstuck.
Blessing's book, By Design: How to Create a Career you Love, guides you through the process of embracing what you really want in your life, and designing a career - and an approach to work - that serves your broader goals.
This post explores the idea of what it means to feel stuck, and some key break-aways from my conversation with Blessing - including a framework she presents in her book, and proactive ways you can navigate those moments when you feel lost, overwhelmed, or otherwise “stuck” in life or your career.
And - there’s plenty more to hear in the episode. 🔊 Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Website Player
👉 Recognizing the signs that you are “stuck”
Perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of getting unstuck is realizing you ARE "stuck" in the first place.
My definition speaks to a two flavors of stuck-ness: you are unable to move, or you are in a situation where you cannot progress or escape.
Of course, when I’m feeling stuck, I often describe not in terms of what I'm feeling, but in terms of what I’m missing - I don’t feel like I have the agency or capacity to do anything myself, or I am at the mercy of a situation well beyond my own control. If I flip those thoughts around into what I might be feeling, it's usually one of three main things:
I'm burdened by obligations
I'm being blocked from doing the things I most want to pursue
I’m "trapped" and there are no alternative options
In my experience, though, the thought - “I am feeling stuck” - is also typically not a first-order realization. There are several other actions and “stuck” behaviors that usually act as clearer signals that something is awry, and help me catch myself before I truly become a stick in the mud.
There are 5 main signals and "stuck" behaviors I now think about, both for myself and when I help others uncover what's bothering them most, so we can create a path forward.
If you are... | You might be showing signs of a "stuck" behavior... |
Not fulfilling your expectations or dodging responsibility | 1. Avoidance. Whether it’s overthinking, overworking, ignoring your responsibilities or actively fantasizing about things outside your reality, these are all tactics to avoid whatever you're “stuck” in or about. |
Dodging hard conversations to “be nice” or keep the peace | 2. People pleasing. This is a coping mechanism many of us learned as children to gain acceptance, avoid conflict, and ensure personal safety. It's a learned self-protective response, and unfortunately it muffles your own wants and needs in the process. |
Losing your temper when things don't go to plan | 3. Emotional reactivity. You're bottling up frustrations and holding resentment, rather than addressing a situation directly. When you carry these with you rather than working through them, it can lead to explosive reactions and behaviors when stressors crop up. |
Recoiling at someone or about a situation after something unseemly happened | 4. Noticing a red flag - or perfectionism. Repulsion and disgust are protective reactions. They may be an appropriate response to danger, such as eating a poisonous fruit or an unsafe situation - or they can be rooted in deeper attachment issues or perfectionistic tendencies. |
Feeling misunderstood, misaligned or miserable - at work or at home | 5. Dissatisfaction or depletion. Having low spirits or low energy are often signals that you're “stuck” in a place where you are feeling underutilized, stifled or alternatively - overworked. Over time, not addressing these feelings can ultimately lead to a state of burnout If this is something you are struggling with, Episode 2 of my podcast focuses specifically on the topic of burnout. |
These feelings and behaviors tend to start with an uncomfortable or unwanted situation that you don’t take action to resolve or change. Over time, through continued inaction and avoidance, your discomfort grows and festers, which makes it harder and harder to do anything about it. Eventually, you become overwhelmed with a sense that you can’t do anything to change the situation.
That's how you get stuck. What keeps you stuck is staying where you are, and not trying something different.
The good news? By summoning your courage and taking action about whatever is holding you back, you can make moves toward getting unstuck.
👉 The Good Life Triangle: A framework for living with intention
In the episode, Blessing and I discuss a beautiful framework from her book called The Good Life Triangle.
This framework is a positive, value-driven way to identify what is most important to you, and consider how to prioritize your actions accordingly.
In the first chapter of her book, Blessing explores these three values in detail, outlining them as the most basic elements that make a good life - and the inherent tension between them.
🕺 1. Freedom
Having freedom is being able to do anything, whenever, however, with whomever. At its extreme, freedom is a life free of constraints. The inverse of freedom is expectations - and we discuss in the episode how this includes both external demands and self-imposed responsibilities.
🫂 2. Community
Community focuses on belonging and being a part of something bigger than yourself. Blessing describes how community is an investment to be part of a group, and that, in effect, the price of community is freedom. You have to give up some of one to have the other.
🥹 3. Meaning
Meaning speaks to your broader purpose and goals. Blessing describes that living a life with meaning involves making decisions wholeheartedly and unapologetically, based on what is most important to you - knowing that this may lead to disappointing others.
While the values themselves are fairly straightforward, I found the idea of placing them in the triangle to be incredibly profound. Blessing describes how the concept is similar to the “triple constraint” in project management, where you strive to balance cost, budget and scope. In case you’re not a project manager who is in on the joke - you can only pick two! You can’t have all three at once.
Drawing on that analogy, the Good Life Triangle ultimately speaks to the fact that life is full of tradeoffs. The key is being intentional about what you want in a particular moment, or in a season of your life, and accepting you can't "have it all" at any one time.
If you are noticing some stuck-ness in your life, think about whether your actions are in alignment with your values. Blessing offers a number of exercises in her book that can help you get deeper clarity around this.
👉 What to do if you are feeling “stuck”
So, if you ARE feeling stuck - what exactly should you do next?
First of all, I’d encourage you to take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate yourself for coming to the very realization that you are feeling stuck. Yes, really. Recognizing you are in a moment or at a place where you are feeling unhappy or unsettled is hard work. Give yourself some space for self compassion and maybe even take a moment to do something that feels soothing for you.
As for what to do next, I wish there was a pill I could prescribe, or a single piece of advice to follow that will unstick your stuck-ness. Unfortunately, the rude truth is you’ve got to do some work. And… it’s likely some of it is going to be hard.
But I assure you, it’s worth it.
Blessing and I describe two different approaches to getting unstuck in the episode - one is more tactical and focuses on small shifts (that’s mine!); the other is more strategic and takes a value-driven approach (thanks, Blessing!). See which one clicks with you in your current situation.
🤏 Start with small shifts
This idea focuses on small wins and growing your confidence that you can change, before tackling big or strategic questions. This approach has 2 pretty simple steps:
✅ Notice what energizes you... and do more of it.
❌ Notice what drains you... and do less of it. Maybe even stop some things altogether.
A key callout on this approach: it's intended to be low-stakes, experimental, and playful rather than deep or engrossing. It's geared toward trial and error, and I'd encourage you to claim wins for trying new things - even if they aren't a "home run." Some trials in every experiment will fail - it's part of the process!
Hopefully you'll uncover newfound energy while finding unexpected places - and maybe even people - that are draining your energy.
🤔 A goal-driven approach
This approach starts with the end in mind, helping you to align your actions with your goals. It has 3 steps you will likely iterate on over time:
🎯 Clarify your goals. What does "happiness" or "success" look like for you? How can you measure it? Do you have any built-in assumptions you can unwind?
❓ Evaluate your situation. Where and how do you feel "stuck?" Are you not being challenged enough, are you lacking recognition, or are you misaligned in some way with your work, your environment, or the people you spend time with?
🔎 Keep exploring. Take time to journal and talk to people you trust about what you want, and where you feel stuck. This type of self discovery often happens gradually, and like "peeling an onion" you may uncover deeper meaning and complexity with every step.
👉 Some Final Thoughts
No one wants to be a stick in the mud. Really. But sometimes it can feel too hard not to be one.
If you’re feeling stuck, or you start noticing yourself doing some of the "stuck behavior" I described in this newsletter, I can assure you, you are not alone in what you are feeling or doing. But the only way out - the only way to unstick your stuck-ness - is to work through whatever is holding you back, and do the hard work to change the situation.
And even if it is hard, think about this: it's often harder to stay stuck than it would be to do the work and get unstuck. As Blessing reflects at the end of the episode:
There's only one today. What are you going to do with it?
You've got this.
💥 Break Out!
PS - if you found Blessing's advice valuable, get a copy of her book at itsbydesign.org!
🔊 Listen in to the full episode: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Website Player
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