Heal your money mindset

“Money is not about how much you have in your bank account, but how you view yourself and the world around you.” - Leslie Mallman

Today’s newsletter shares highlights and personal reflections from ​Episode 9​, in which seasoned Financial Advisor and Money Healer ​Leslie Mallman​ joins me to discuss how you can improve your relationship with money.

Money is a taboo topic most of us learned to avoid at a young age. It felt easier to explore the subject on my podcast than bring it up in a casual conversation with just about anyone else I know - which is exactly why I created this episode.

I reflect on three key themes from my conversation with Leslie below - and there’s plenty more to hear on the podcast. I hope you'll check it out. 🔊 ​Apple Podcasts​ | ​Spotify​ | ​Website Player​

👉 What is money?

I love how Leslie answered this question in the episode.

Money is incredibly broad. It's the dollar bill you have in your wallet, it's what your boss pays you in exchange for your time and work, that now comes in electronically to your bank account. It's what you use to buy food or clothing or tickets to see your favorite band. And it's also what causes many arguments in partnerships. For some people, it's a numerical value of how they see their worth in the world. It can represent anything from security to scarcity. And ultimately, I think money is an expression of who we are and how we see the world.

For most of my life, I feared money. I thought about my finances with a scarcity mindset, and I believed I could never have “enough” of it. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s - twenty years into my career - that I began to unwind deeply held anxieties and beliefs about money, and made room for more helpful and freeing thoughts.

Now, I think about money as a powerful tool that can unlock choices in my life. Instead of worrying about what I “should’ be doing with money, I try to think about it in terms of the tradeoffs I'm making across all the dimensions of my life. Because true wealth encompasses more than your bank account - it's an equation that also includes your health, relationships, career and personal fulfillment.

👉 What is financial healing - and how can it help?

Financial healing is the process of addressing and resolving the deep-seated emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues tied to your beliefs about money. I'd never heard of the idea until Leslie shared it - but it turns out, I'd already been on my own journey of financial healing.

Most of us harbor complex feelings about money. Unfortunately, the subject is so taboo we don’t even realize we have them, and they become an invisible weight in our lives.

There are plenty of reasons money is stressful - here's three I've personally struggled with.

Money = friction + fights

Money lies at the the root of many conflicts. But, because our culture teaches us not to talk about money openly, it's even harder to address this friction.

Most of us simply haven't had many money conversations, which means we never "practiced" talking about money. I still find money conversations awkward and uncomfortable, and I carried a generalized fear of money for most of my life.

Money skills aren't taught

While most of us learned to count bills and change at a young age, I know my formal money education stopped there. Most states now mandate a financial literacy class in high school, but I've heard plenty of questions about how useful this is in practice.

Most of us ultimately get our financial education at home, absorbing our parents' habits and mindsets. Only once we leave home do we have to learn money skills, often all alone.

What is “enough”?

"Enough" is something you have to define. Its very definition is sufficient for an intended purpose.

Mathematically, "enough" is a calculation based on your wants and needs. Where do you choose to live, and what goals and obligations do you have?

Spiritually, "enough" is a feeling. Do you spend your time feeling content with what you have, or lamenting what you don't?

What makes money especially hard is that you simply can't avoid it. As Leslie highlights in our conversation:

The thing about money is we're making money decisions all the time. It's in - where do you live? What kind of work are you doing? But also - should I buy this sweater? What kind of restaurant should I go to for dinner with my friends? If it's bringing up stress and anxiety for you, then that's a lot of opportunities for stress and anxiety.

In my money journey, the hardest part wasn’t learning skills like how to budget, save, or invest in the real world. It's the process of financial healing - breaking unhelpful behaviors and unhelpful thought patterns about money, and changing my underlying beliefs. It's a common theme you'll hear from just about any financial expert, whether you're following Dave Ramsey or talking with your own financial advisor.

👉 How to improve your financial well-being

The journey to financial well-being is intensely personal. I like to think of it as a pursuit toward financial fitness, rather than financial health. It suggests the goal is something you define yourself, and that it can change over time. The word "health" brings up the idea that there is some kind of a standard ideal or outcome you’re trying to achieve - like when a doctor checks your cholesterol levels to make sure you're within a “healthy” or "normal" range. That is, in fact, the exact kind of idea you're trying to break through financial healing.

If you want to improve your financial situation, Leslie offered some great advice at the end of the episode:

Start by exploring where you are. There's lots of great books and resources out there, but I don't think any of them are helpful unless you're actually looking at your money. One framework a coach of mine recommended that I really like is, what's the one next best step? You don't have to do it all today. You don't even have to do it all this year, but what's one step that you could take?

Personally, I like to understand what the entire journey looks like whenever I start something new. It helps me distinguish what to focus on now - and what I don't need to do yet, because it's a future planned step. If your mind works the same way,check out my ​3 steps to financial fitness guide​ that breaks the money journey into three stages: (1) Stability, (2) Saving, and (3) Self-Sufficiency. I didn't include the details here as this message is already long enough, and I wanted to focus on the feelings we have about money, not tactics or practical guidance. The guide includes my favorite books & resources for each stage, and has a downloadable PDF in case you find it useful.

👉 Some Final Thoughts

I know money can feel scary. I spent most of my life battling that thought. But taking control of your finances, even if it's hard and uncomfortable to start, is ultimately the path to creating more flexibility and freedom in your life.

You just have to be willing to start with one next step.

Wherever you are today, know this: you are not behind in your financial journey, you simply are where you are. And, you can make progress toward whatever financial goals or aspirations you may have. It's amazing what you can achieve when you make a plan and stick to it.

And, I believe there is a path for you to have "enough" - in all senses of the word.

You've got this.

💥 Break Out!

🔊 Listen in to hear the full episode. ​Apple Podcasts​ | ​Spotify​ | ​Website Player

👉 Interested in Leslie's money healing class or 1:1 support? Find her at ​moneycoachleslie.com